it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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