Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
