WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
