I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
