just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
