3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
