I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
