pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
