STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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