I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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