Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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