My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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