I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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