the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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