I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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