sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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