You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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