I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize