If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
