well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just pee around me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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