I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
