Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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