You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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