May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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