4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
