I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
