Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
