For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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