And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
