Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
