Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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