Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
