I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
