Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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