oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
