Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
