we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
