You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
