I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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