If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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