we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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