So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
