The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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