if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
