There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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