Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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