Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
