Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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