Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
