She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
