Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
