Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
