Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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