kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
