Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
