oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize