...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
