just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
