i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
