i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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