Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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