and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
