I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
