Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where did you get a picture of my penis
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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