How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
