I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize