i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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