New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
