why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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