I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
