just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important