yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need a beard to bite.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person