I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB