I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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