I skipped work to stalk him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
