Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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