like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
