life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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