i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
