before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
