Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
