well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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