did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
