Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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