My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
