just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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