i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
