Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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