I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
