Screwed.edu
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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