i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
