Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
