found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
