a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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