What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
