I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i think im in europe. pls send help
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
