so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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