You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
