so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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